


Near to you (i'm still reeling from this loss)

by VisualEcho94



Series: With every move my whole world shakes [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 07:03:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3560552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisualEcho94/pseuds/VisualEcho94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We’ll figure this out Skye. We’ll fix this.” And then she’s gone.<br/>You don’t have the courage to tell her you don’t think you can be fixed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Near to you (i'm still reeling from this loss)

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this in class after last week's episode and didn't want to work on my essay soooo....

“Skye?”

She whispered through your door and to be honest, had you not been sitting against it, you would have never heard. Her voice sounds broken and scared. You think it’s you she’s scared of. That makes it even worse.

“Skye.”

 Slightly higher, raspier but still not the strong tone that you’re so used to her using. She may assume you’re asleep. Staring at the blinking blue numbers floating by your bed that read 2:42 am you guess you should be. Except you can still feel the quakes. They thrum low and deep in your bones, like endless drumming that only you can hear. The thumping makes it hard to close your eyes. Hearing the voices of your teammates – your friends – makes it hard to close your eyes. Their concern and uncertainty. Their fear. If you close your eyes, your mind will wander to the panicked – betrayed, hurt – brown eyes.

“I realize,” Jemma continues, unaware – or uncaring – if you are listening or not “that you may not actually be listening to me at the moment. Perhaps it’s for the best. You probably don’t want to right now in any case.” She pauses and you pull your knees closer to your chest. Her voice hasn't changed in volume and you realize that maybe she hopes you won’t listen. You wonder if what she has to say will cause the walls to quiver. You wonder if she’ll cause you to wake the entire place and force you to sedate yourself again.

“I think I understand, no – I know why you felt the need to keep this from us.” _From me_ , you hear as she goes on. “I was very vocal about my feelings on these unknown changes happening to Raina – on anything that could possibly be different. What happened to Trip -” You imagine her pushing away the tightening in her throat. You imagine her leaning her head against the door to your room. Your cell.

“What happened to Trip broke something in me.” Something breaks in you now. “He was such as dear friend. Losing him is something that won’t ever truly be – I’m not sure. I suppose I’m just trying to say that I’ll always miss him; that it hurts me still to think about him not coming through my lab doors and teasing me about –things. But at the time, knowing you were down there in those tunnels. Skye, it’s like the air was ripped from my lungs. The exact moment we were informed of it, my chest felt like it was going to cave in on itself. And yes, I realize how impossible that is without the aid of something -” Jemma cuts herself off. You still know what she was going to say, but you ignore the sting it sends through you. 

“Skye” It’s breathed out and closer. She’s kneeing on the outside of your door. She’s so close and so hurt and you want nothing more than to open the door and comfort her. “I’m so scared of losing you.” You feel your breath catch in your throat. You lick your lips and try to not to break down at how soft she sounds right now.

“I’m so desperately and irrevocably attached to you that the thought of not having you in my life isn’t – I can’t -.” At this point, you can hear the tears in her eyes. The obvious pain. You didn’t even realize you were crying until you felt the tears sliding down your cheeks.

“It’s a terrifying feeling to be perfectly honest. Because how many times can I go through this? I feel like since we’ve met it has been one disaster after the next, but the ones that always seem to stand out are the ones that leave me aching at the thought that you won’t be okay. And I just need you to be okay.” You both just stay there, letting the silence consume you and you are so glad that the walls aren’t quivering, but you assume it’s because you are. She doesn’t say anything else. She doesn’t get up to leave. She sits and you sit and you wait for the courage to open the door. You imagine she waits for the same thing.

Your blue numbers read 6:38 am and you guess May has decided to let you skip training today. You listen as Jemma picks herself up and leans against the door.

“We’ll figure this out Skye. We’ll fix this.” And then she’s gone.

You listen to her feet as she walk away.

You imagine what it’ll be like around the others from now on. How they will act. How she will act.

You don’t have the courage to tell her you don’t think you can be fixed.

You don’t have the courage to tell her you’re just as scared to lose her, because you feel like you already have. And all you’re waiting for is for her to realize it too.

 


End file.
